PG Diploma in Common Sense

Everybody has an opinion on HR.
After trying to convince a client of my subjective views on yet another fuzzy HR topic (it was career pathing i think), i said exasperatedly to him, "I thought you called me in because i am the expert in HR."
He said, "Expert? C'mon, HR is just common sense. And by definition everybody has it. It's common after all. So how can you claim to be at the top of a common sense hierarchy? There is no such pyramid."
He was right but all the same i came crashing down from somewhere pretty high up. And it hurt. Fool on a hill? Maybe. Since then i started searching in earnest for the HR holy grail. Something that raises us above the status of 'commoners' into the esoteric world of 'experts'. Like those Six Sigma black belts. Soft leather and shiny buckles have always fascinated me. Maybe my pop being a cop has something to do with it.
But this is not about me. It's about us. And about HR's need for a Six Sigma like top notch holy grail. And come to think of it the quality function was once pretty much like us, wandering around lost, searching for an identity in the business. For eons, they'd been sandwiched by production on one side and sales on the other. Lip service would regularly be paid about quality being the most meaty part of the sandwich but in reality the business invested just enough to spread the function thin like butter. Essential to the sandwich but not really adding any taste/ value to it. In the nineties TQM gave the quality folks some respectability but the hard core production and sales guys weren't really convinced by its mere 'feel good' intangible tools. Then in the naughties somebody cooked up Six Sigma, catapulting the quality folks into the board room and overnight they became business stars.
Meanwhile HR was already there in the board room (mostly taking minutes) struggling gamely to reach the status of "business partners". The closest to Six Sigma we had was the 360 degree appraisal. But pitting 360 against Six Sigma was like pitching a carousal against the Taj Mahal in a poll for becoming one of the great wonders of the world.
So what's my point? That's another slur we've always had to deal with: "You HR guys are forever beating around the bush." And my reply to that everytime somebody says it is: "We are looking for that second bird, the one that flew out of your hand, Mister." It stops the other guy in his tracks. "Profound!" is normally the reply. Do drop me a mail if you understand the depth in my remark because i have no clue.
Now to get back to the point - the bird in hand - We need to architect an exclusively HR Taj Mahal. That mecca of concepts to which a business leader will approach, stare in wonder and then get down on her knees and pray. Come, see and concur. No gyan. No opinions. Just agree to the Taj Mahal of HR. End of common sense.
As i said earlier, i have been doing some study on the topic and its not going to be easy. This business of building Taj Mahals. The problem is really acute because we don't have a solid foundation. Let me explain. Six Sigma is based on statistical tools and sciences. Rigour and precision is the basic building material. But all we have is shifting sands and non methods. Take Individual Behavior theory for instance. Do we really know what motivates somebody? Yes, we have a menu of guesses and 9 million by the no.of items on the menu times the combinations in which the variables could play out. And then there are the thousands of individuals inside an organization whose behaviors combined in another million ways produce the organization's vyaktitva, character or culture. Phew! Take that for beating around the bush. It could take years to just determine the "real" culture of a place let alone drive it. And as i argue in another piece, three months is all we have to "build" a new culture because in a blistering economy HR has to build @ speed of light.
Woudn't it have been super to have a tool which could tell you the culture of your organization? Just wheel it into a series of group meetings and other conversations. Let it film, tape, absorb the dialogs and process it internally and spew out the cultural differentiator's of your organization. A 'Culture Analyzer' if you please (remember you heard it here first, i'll call upon you to assist me in any copyright disputes). Not such a fantasy - you have machines that do it for a powder for example - precisely detecting the elements that compose it.
So once you know the old culture accurately, and you envision the new behaviors you require, you only have to make the necessary changes in the individual's mindset. And you still have 60 days or thereabouts left to complete your intervention.
What do you do? Simple. Just whip out your array of "Tuning Folks" (ditto advisory on copyright). Now go forth into the kingdom and resonate. Oh and don't forget to calibrate using the "Culture Analyzer" once you've finished.
Fantasies apart, moral of the story is that until we have some robust theoretical foundations our Taj Mahal will never be built. Its time the HR academics took over and gave some solid material for us practitioners to build the Taj Mahal with. Professors are you listening? You sent us forth into the world with good intentions...and nothing else. PG Diploma in Common Sense? What good is that in a world full of PHD.s in the same subject? Sorry don't mind the ranting, we all know it's not your fault either. It goes much deeper. Into that elusive, impossible to hold entity called the human psyche. They say that once you can measure it you can manage it. We humans know how to make everything else measurable and scientific but our emotions and thoughts. Those we can't control.
The very last point of this piece and i think i could have done away with all the other points if i had announced this one right at the top: basically you're all invited to a party on my hill. If you are foolish enough, you could even find a place to live up there. There's ample space for everybody. And we'll be able to see the Taj Mahal from the top once it comes up.
So after you guys are done taking minutes in the boardroom, do come up for a drink.
All are welcome. Dress code - no belts please! Nonsense is highly appreciated, but common sense you shall use only at your own peril.