Friday, December 28, 2007

Four CARDiac Arrests

I hate people who send in electronic greeting cards to everyone in their office address book. That is a cheap way of discharging social responsibility. It is a simple three step process. Select e-card, click the "Select All" option in the address book and press send. One greeting to all 14,479 employees across the planet. Imagine how painful it would have been to send a personalized greeting to all of them. Last year I received one such greeting from someone whose existence I did not know of. I wondered if I should just ignore it and press delete or should I reach out to this colleague. My debate was cut short. Before long the world was grappling with the flood of thank you messages. "Thank you for your wishes and wish you the same." Someone had done the unforgivable act of choosing the "Reply All" response to all 14,479 of us. The server got choked with this deluge of goodwill and had to be shut down. HR then put a ban on sending e greeting cards.



This year we are doing things the old fashioned way in our office. It is still a few paper cards being given out at year end. The HR Department just messes up my life. They sent me four New Year Greeting Cards. Cards that you can send to the most important people in your life. That sends me into a tizzy. All my life I have been operating with the belief that my boss is the ONLY important person in my life. After years of bad appraisal ratings and poor increments I now finally understand the root cause. It is not one but four I need to please. Why else would the company have assigned so many greeting cards to me? I draw out the company's organization chart. After drawing out a gazillion dotted lines and solid lines, functional reporting lines and project reporting, I give up. I report to at least 28 people one way or the other. Many of whom I have never met and probably never will. I am several greeting cards short. So I stick to safer bets.



Has everyone got the same number of cards or is there some hierarchy in that as well. I ask the mail room in-charge. He tells me he has been given one greeting card.

"Who are you giving it to?" I ask him.

"It is for my landlord. I owe him two months' rent. This is a cheap way to earn some goodwill."

"What would you do if you were given more of these?" I try asking for ideas.

"I would shred the others. Don't need them."



This is a serious interruption to a busy workday. I write out one and pass it to my colleague in the next cubicle. She looks at the card and at me in turn. I need to build bridges with co-workers. I smile at her hoping that she now considers me a cubicle pal. She shrugs and continues staring at her computer. "If you want to give me a card, at least buy one rather than passing off a freebie card to me. Have some more respect for your colleagues." That's one precious card and relationship down the tube.



I distribute the next one with greater care. I mail one to my wife just to be different. Two days later when I see the card unopened, I carefully drop hints within her earshot. It works. She half opens the envelope and without even opening the card to see the message she says, "Must be for you. Some moron from your office. The idiot has addressed the card to me. How careless." I do not have the heart to tell her the truth.



Now is the final moment. I decide that I will mail the last card to my boss. Where does he live? I have never been part of the charmed circle to have been invited to his home, so I do not know his address. I wondered if I should buy a regular greeting card from the neighborhood bookshop. I am unable to decide. Should I send him a funny card? Risky perhaps. One never knows whether he will laugh at the same joke. Better to send him one with flowers. Then I remember that he is allergic to flowers. I had greeted him with a bouquet on the day he had joined and then he sneezed for the next two days. Bad start to a relationship. I finally vote in favor of the office card. That is a safe bet. I make a mental note of finding out his home address.



A week into the new year I bump into boss in the cafeteria.



I ask him, "I hope you liked my New Year card."



"It was beautiful. I loved it. The lines were very meaningful. Thanks a lot. I hope you got the card I sent."



That was one from the left field. I did not know I was important enough for him to send me a card. There was no time for truth. This was a PR moment. OK... OK... I lied. I mumbled something about the lovely card he had sent and how thoughtful it was of him to have sent me one.



I came back to my desk all confused. My boss did care enough to send me a card. While trying to look for a ball-pen that actually works, I rummage through the papers and come across the greeting card I had written for my boss. The envelope was still intact. I had not found out his home address and had never mailed the card to him.

8 comments:

Saikat Saha said...

Hi Sir,

This is certainly one of the most interesting article I have come across recently.

Firstly the reason I loved it, is because of the way the article unfolds in a typical story telling format. I have rarely come across such a unique style of writing especially in HR domain.

Secondly the subtle humour has been extolled in a beautiful way.

The message of the article is also very lucid without any kind of preaching tone.

Some key insinuations from the article are as follows:

*The easy way out to create a goodwill, might not be the smartest way.

*Knowing the concerned party well in advance and anticipating their reaction is crucial.

*At times we get too engrossed with the tiniest[but certainly important] things that could propel our PR with people who 'matter' to us.We in the process get the basics wrong and completely ruin that persuit of PR building exercise. Or do we REALLY ruin it???????????????????????????????
A few well deserved second thoughts on that.

-Saikat Saha
[wannabe HR superstar]
http://www.ideatezone.blogspot.com

Abhijit Bhaduri said...

Hi Saikat, thanks for your comments. Just read from your blog that one of your many resolutions is to get six packs (I presume six-pack of beer and not abs). Good luck with whichever option you choose eventually.

My take on life! said...

Hi Abhijit,

Another 'Excellent' piece on exactly what I was thinking :) ... I sent out email greetings to my bosses this year around- what with the pain of finding our their addresses and mailing the cards across- (might not have reached them on time)...
Also, found that a SMS gets an immediate response and recall....a greeting card may not have returned the favour!
P.S: Might as well acknowledge the fact that my bundle of "Season's Greetings" paper cards bought thoughtfully from a NGO, has been lying safely, untouched and undisturbed on my work station and the 'task' of sending out the stack has already been uploaded onto the next "best wishes" season :) Hopefully the next year wont see me succumb to the electronic way out!

Best regards,
Roopa

Unknown said...

Hi Abhijit,
Enjoyed reading your thoughts.
I have added your blog to my reader.
Best wishes always,
Khushboo

Unknown said...

Hello Abhijit,

It is really funny but true. After reading your blog, I was marvelling at how fantastically you had captured the thoughts of many people during a festive season.
I could swear to you that my thoughts during this season were exactly as penned by you in your blog.
I really enjoyed the funny but very aspect of the situation in your blog.
I look forward to reading keener and funnier observations from you in the near future:

Food for thought are

1) Performance evaluation in the corporate jungle (will be a good one)

2) The numbers of business workshops and the inveresely proportional value these workshops have created for the business shareholders :-)

Abhijit Bhaduri said...

Hi Roopa, Khushboo and John,
Thanks for commenting on the blogpost. Kind of adds to the motivation factor to know that someone actually read the post and had a point of view.

So Roopa, you have been sms-ing your way into the New Year. The phone companies have taken special note of your effort and expect a bouquet from them soon!! Their revenues show a spike. I won't tell you what the Greeting Cards company is sending to both of us.

Khushboo - thanks for adding this blog to your reader. That does not take away from your responsibility of having to come over and write your feedback here.

John - I think that suggestion of writing about performance appraisals is an awesome idea. I have so many horror stories to share on that. Being an HR person gives you a ringside view of the circus!! Expect to see your feedback and suggestions.

Honored to have your time everyone.

Cheers
Abhijit

Ekta Grover said...

Not only wsa that a good story telling, but it also was a very captative one. You know it very well, we all have grudges about managers! "Peole do not laeve organisations, they leave managers! "
Great writing again! Keep up the tingling humor !

Ekta Grover said...

and one more thing,
I do not know if that episode of your wife having to open one amongst those cards, is added for humor or it was for real, but I had a good time laughing, and imagining an HR, who is literally wanting his wife to unfold the envelope, (she would probably, had been a pinky-pinky in your name ! Ladies are eagle-eyed ! )